I guess I’m writing about sewing since I can’t actually be sewing at the moment. (Yeah sorry, sister. Your birthday present is going to be more late.) I’m literally stuck under a puppy. #timesareruff
Reflective ramblings ahead!
Trigger warning- depression, anxiety.
Skip to Other Stuff below for …other stuff.
It seems my three-year blogiversary was four days ago. Clearly the honeymoon is over.
I started this blog in 2017, publishing my first post on January 11th. It’s a studio tour and I repeated the tour for the one-year blogiversary. The second anniversary came and went without mention. For the belated blogiversary this year, I’m not sharing any photos. There’s no giveaway or party. Instead, I’m doing something much less fun. I’m going to talk about my recent sew-batical.
I took about 4 months off from sewing this past year. And well, I guess that’s not an accurate description.
Around July, I had lost my sewjo. It happens to all of us and many of us have written about it. You can read Whitney’s The Winter of My Sewjo as a recent example. The loss of desire to sew is completely normal. Whitney talks about burnout, among other things.
Not only had I lost my desire to sew, I didn’t want to talk to my friends. I didn’t want to drink. I didn’t want to cook or eat the meals I previously relished. I certainly wasn’t going to travel. I didn’t even want to get out of bed.
These feelings, or lack thereof, lasted weeks. I turned to so-called comfort foods, but I rarely felt satiated, and, reasonably so, I gained weight.
I stopped ordering fabric. What little fabric I did order, perhaps as an attempt at retail therapy, I didn’t even wash.
The tripod and mannequin that hang out near the #greigewall, my go-to selfie spot, got packed away. I wasn’t sewing, why would I be taking photos?
My chest felt tight most of the time, like my heart was racing. I was anxious for no particular reason, but if you took my heart rate, it was normal as well as my blood pressure.
Depression, anxiety, and I aren’t strangers. I’ve been on and off mood-stabilizing medications for most of my adult life. I had been taking a common drug, in the same class as Prozac, as such for over a year. I had previously stopped medications for pregnancy (x3), but never because the medication stopped working.
And I literally wanted to disappear.
If I lay in bed long enough, would I?
Maybe under different circumstances, I would have. But I had 3 young children who depended on me, so, reluctantly, I kept getting out of bed. And eventually I leveled with myself, and I got the help I really needed. Medications were increased. Another one added. I exercised my body. I washed the batiste that had arrived 3 months prior.
I’m feeling like myself again and taking pleasure in life, especially sewing. And eating. And drinking.
Several folks reached out via social media to check on me during my sew-batical. It’s an incredible feeling to know your absence is noticed. And though it took me several months to bring it up here, I like to say I don’t shy away from talking about mental health. So please do reach out if you ever want to commiserate. (Or just talk shop.)
Other stuff that happened this year
Most of 2019 was good.
If I counted correctly, I wrote 29 blog posts here, one for Itch to Stitch, and another for Harts Fabric.
I co-hosted SewFancyPants and visited Kansas City in January (I met sewlebrity Leslie; she’s tall!), organized the April Sew Swap with Jen, participated in the Lugu Fabrics Blog Tour (Gwyn visited from PDX!), the Alexandria Fabrics Blog Tour, and the Madrid Dress Tour; and spearheaded HeyJuneJune….in June.
I tested several patterns. (Taos Top, Redwood Tote, Lucerne Blouse, Geo Tank, Victory Tank, and Frisco Jumpsuit.)
I taught my first sewing class at Sew To Speak in Columbus, OH! (And met Jessica and Nikki irl while there.) I’m not sure I’ll ever teach again. I want to like teaching the way I like sewing, but public speaking is not my jam. (Maybe more on that later.)
Thanks for coming along for the ride this past year. Here’s to another one!
I’ll leave you with my current favorite album, A Star is Born soundtrack.